Keeping the faith, holding on to hope.......

We enjoyed John Ortberg's “Hope Has A Name” message this morning and the worship from Menlo Church. The message caused me to reflect on our circumstances, this seemingly endless isolation and separation. This confinement seems to have lasted so long and I am thankful for not having to be alone at this time. I am even more thankful for an enduring hope. True hope transcends our circumstances. It is different than simply optimism. This morning John reminded, “Hope will improve our work, our relationships, our play and our souls. Hope tells me that there is an end to this separation. Hope encourages me to imagine vividly, want dearly and believe strongly.”

Romans 8:23-24 “…we ourselves who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”

The Message version puts it this way…. 

“All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.”

Romans 8:22-28 MSG

In my short life I have learned that hope does come eventually. Hope is not based on my circumstances. Hope does not disappoint. No matter how many events of celebration are postponed, no matter how much we long to feel the embraces of loved ones once more. He is helping me realize the blessing of relationship, to more deeply understand the need He has given me for the support of my friends and family. I am encouraged in the midst of this dark time to hold on to hope. Christ is my anchor. He’s on the other end of the rope as we walk through the darkness of separation. He’s still working all together for my good and His glory, no matter what I don’t understand. 

This morning "Highlands" has turned into my song of celebration. Hope you'll enjoy it with me. Here.....

"Highlands (Song Of Ascent)"

O how high would I climb mountains
If the mountains were where You hide
O how far I'd scale the valleys
If You graced the other side

O how long have I chased rivers
From lowly seas to where they rise
Against the rush of grace descending
From the source of its supply

Cause in the highlands and the heartache
You're neither more or less inclined
I would search and stop at nothing
You're just not that hard to find

Oh I will praise You on the mountain
And I will praise you when the mountain's in my way
You're the summit where my feet are
So I will praise You in the valleys all the same
No less God within the shadows
No less faithful when the night leads me astray
Cause You're the Heaven where my heart is
In the highlands and the heartache all the same

O how far beneath Your glory
Does Your kindness extend the path
From where your feet rest on the sunrise
To where You sweep the sinner's past

And though how fast would you come running
If just to shadow me through the night
Trace my steps through all my failures
And walk me out the other side

For who could dare ascend that mountain
That valleyed hill called Calvary
But for the One I call Good Shepherd
Who like a lamb was slain for me

Oh I will praise You on the mountain
And I will praise you when the mountain's in my way
You're the summit where my feet are
So I will praise You in the valleys all the same
No less God within the shadows
No less faithful when the night leads me astray
Cause You're the Heaven where my heart is
In the highlands and the heartache all the same

Sing it out

Whatever I walk through
Wherever I am
Your Name can move mountains
Wherever I stand
And if ever I walk through
The valley of death
I'll sing through the shadows
My song of ascent

Whatever I walk through
Wherever I am
Your Name can move mountains
Wherever I stand
And if ever I walk through
The valley of death
I'll sing through the shadows
My song of ascent
My song of ascent

Sing it out

My song of ascent

From the gravest of all valleys
Come the pastures we call grace
A mighty river flowing upwards
From a deep but empty grave

So I will praise You on the mountain
And I will praise you when the mountain's in my way
You're the summit where my feet are
Yes you are
So I will praise You in the valleys all the same
No less God within the shadows
No less faithful when the night leads me astray
You're the Heaven where my heart is
In the highlands and the heartache all the same

Could You Be This Good

Lately I’ve been enjoying some podcasts from my nephew, Adam Hendrix, from Menlo Park Presbyterian Church. Each time I hear him teach, God opens my heart to life application of His word. The most recent podcast/sermon was titled “The Great Banquet.”

This particular sermon was crafted around “The Parable of The Feast” found in Matthew 22. There were several lessons in this sermon, but the one that stuck with me most clearly was when he talked about someone who misses out, someone who settles for less than God’s best, someone who fails to recognize or hear the call of Christ to a full and abundant life. To quote a part of the sermon, “Many are in danger of settling for average rather than a full life. God offers us day by day an abundant, plentiful life. There is a feast to which you are invited, but the accepting of the invitation is up to you.”

I’ve been pondering those words. Those who are focused on other things will miss the feast. Those who are full of self, status and stuff will miss the feast. They are full of themselves, holding tightly to something that will never satisfy. So…..….where is MY focus? What am I holding too tightly, trying desperately to control? Are my hands too full of something temporary, unable to grasp what is ultimately important?

“It’s only the empty who can experience the fullness of the feast – those who are aware of their need for God, hungry and desperate for what abundance He can give.” – Adam Hendrix

Abundant life doesn’t equate to happy, comfortable or easy, like when my weight is down and my checking account is up. Sometimes God brings me to understand abundant life by leading me through life, not around the obstacles, avoiding the pain. The deepest joys in my life have been a result of coming to a true awareness of my need, much of the time through suffering that built perseverance, developed character and fostered hope. (Romans 5:1-5)

Today I walked through the doors of my oncologist’s office. I had a scheduled appointment. Mixed feelings surface when I visit my cancer clinic. I’ve known Jennifer for almost eight years and she’s more than my doctor; she’s like my sister. She’s my friend. I look forward to seeing her, talking to her and we usually end up laughing at some little something from past memories. Yet every time I enter that exam room, my blood pressure rises, my heart grows faint and my world slows to a crawl. It’s a learned behavior, to shrink in fear because of past experience. Because of the “C” word.

But today’s appointment was different than previous visits. Today felt like a turning point. Today was about sharing with Jenn the blessing recently brought into my life – an old best friend with whom I plan to share the rest of my life. We shared pictures and texts and we talked about how we don’t understand it all. We laughed at how cool it was that he and I share the same first name, Chris. God brings such good to us. He has prepared me to be loved and to love. I told her how thankful I am. And then Jenn told me something I had not planned to hear - “I’m releasing you as a cancer patient. You don’t need an oncologist anymore.” That familiar lump in my stomach was hot as it rose into my throat. My eyes burned. We hugged and cried happy tears.

With unanticipated release and weight lifted, I sat in my car and shook with surprise. I trembled with fear and didn’t understand these “why now” tears that were wetting my cheeks. God surely brings the unexpected. Maybe I’ve been holding a tiny terror inside me for these nine years. Maybe watching Kevin live life while tolerating chemo treatments conditioned me to believe that picture was a foreshadowing of a life to come. Maybe a double mastectomy had been a constant reminder that I was marked by a life-stealing disease. I'm not exactly sure why, but after a while the label becomes the identity. I was not ready for the release brought to my life today. Yes, God surely brings the unexpected. And I am surely grateful.

I’m thanking God for His goodness tonight. Not only for His healing; I’m thanking Him for allowing the disease that brought me to know Him more deeply. I’m learning to be grateful for the cancer that made me realize I’m not in control. Even though my head is still reeling, I’m hopeful for life yet to come - a life with my best friend, growing in God's grace and love. He has surely brought these unexpected, wonderful gifts to my life.

I leave you with a beautiful picture of two happy friends, rejoicing over God’s blessings in our lives. That’s Jenn and me. And I also am sharing a song that’s come to mean a lot to me over the past few years. Sometimes, even though I shouldn't be, I am surprised by the goodness of God.

Could You Be This Good

I love the perfection in Your presence
The redemption on Your face
Your heart's forever for me
Even if I look away

You still call my name
You call my name

Could You be this good
Could You be this good
The way that You forgive me
The way that You hold on to me
Could You be, could You be this good

I love the rest that grows inside me
As I see more of Your grace
I love the courage You inspire
And the hope You call awake
When You say my name

                                                                  You say my name

You keep no record of wrongs

You know me now by Your son
There's only love in Your eyes                       
There's only love in Your eyes

Could You be this good
Could You be this good

The way that You forgive me
The way that You hold on to me
Could You be, could You be this good
Could You be, could You be this good

The Generosity of God

God’s timing. Lately the perspective from the rearview mirror seems to keep getting wider or maybe it’s just that my outlook is changing. I know there are many “whys” I will not understand in this life. I know there are mistakes I have made and that there are encounters He has allowed. As I ponder all of this, I realize God is growing my faith and my gratefulness lately as He gives me glimpses of His mercy and generosity. His ways and thoughts so over shadow my small perspective. He is allowing me to see His goodness, His restoration after what I fittingly call “a time of locusts.” God is good and He proves His goodness to me time and time again in ways I don’t expect, in processes that I would have never chosen for myself.

Months ago I heard a sermon about the “Round-about Way of the Father.” The pastor stated something to this effect- The round-about way of God is when we find ourselves in a place where we don’t want to be and usually we’re in that place longer than we desire. It’s when we find ourselves in a desert thinking life has dried up. And sometimes it’s not so much that we’re in the desert, but that the desert is in us. And many times, we don’t know how long we’re gonna’ be in the desert, on that round-about way of God. We want to ask - Are we there yet? Why am I not there yet? Or even sometimes- will I ever get “there?”

The round-about way comes to all of us at one time or another in this life. When your heart aches with hurt or loss and you don’t understand why you’ve ended up where you are.  You may have faith and you know God can give you what you’re asking for........but He doesn’t. Yet.

I have found a waiting and growing season on that round-about way. How little would I understand and appreciate the magnitude of His gifts today without Him calling me to journey alongside Him through that time of single and sometimes lonely dependence on Him? Especially on this journey, He has been my portion, forever faithful. To speak honestly, I have struggled with giving thanks on the round-about way, not understanding His ways or His timing. But I have also realized that the hard-learned attitude of thankfulness was what drew me closer to Him. His hand held me fast. And that same hand is still proving His generosity to me. I am forever grateful.

As I contemplate His goodness to me, the focus of my thanksgiving this year turned to the blessing of family. The connection of hearts, the unconditional love, the mainstays of life. I believe there is no greater joy God has given me than to celebrate His love with family- and sometimes that means blood relation or simply the family you choose. Having “family” is truly abundance. God reminds me of the eternal treasure He has given each time I am with my family. My Father is so good and giving. He calls me to follow in that generosity.

Generosity is a natural outflow of a truly grateful heart. I have learned I must lose myself to get my Father’s best, giving up what I think I want for what He has in store for me. But even when He asks me to let something go, I have to remember that God’s nature is generous- rich in wisdom, kindness and grace. What He gives is so much more than I deserve, so much better than I what I would choose for myself, and immensely greater than what I dreamed. Isn’t it amazing when God speaks to your heart and teaches you, allowing you to see His love lived out in front of you?

Recently I have become reacquainted with a dear friend from my childhood. God has gifted me with this friendship again. I now have the privilege of getting to know him all over again. I am watching him live out Christ’s love, giving generously to those around him and I am amazed. I have observed as he makes time for those things that would seem small-the little conversations, the stops out of his way to show care and concern, to slow down and help those he meets when it would be easier to walk past. I have seen generosity in those moments when life would be more convenient to hoard time rather than give it away. I realize that he is living out the legacy his God-loving parents lived before him. Seeing Christ’s generosity in his life causes me to stop and examine my own heart. I know the motive behind the act is more important than the act itself. “Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”- (Matthew 6:21 and Luke 12:34). Where is my treasure?

Christ’s example taught us to give of ourselves. We honor God with how we give- whether in time, talents or possessions. It’s not about the outcome. God doesn’t need what I have. It’s about following the prompting to give of ourselves, to keep receiving what He has for me by giving away what He has first given me, to show up and live a life of generosity.

What a simple practice, a return to Him for all He’s done for me - a thankful and generous heart is a small way to say thank you.

I sit in awestruck anticipation as God is writing a new chapter in my life. He is the amazing author and finisher of my faith. As He turns this page for me, I want the theme to be the joy of thankfulness. “For all that You’ve done and all that You’ll do, my heart pours out – thank You.”                                                                                                                                                 -Bethel, “Thank You.”