Here I Raise My Ebenezer

About an hour ago I waved good-bye to my 90-year old grandma and my uncle. My grandma, one of my heroes, cooked beef stew, buttery cornbread and her famous vanilla pound cake for Kevin and me, and then she drove one and a half hours to bring it to us. My uncle is probably more like my brother because he is only nine years older than me. We grew up together for much of my childhood. He now lives with his mom, my grandma, helping to take care of her. But truth be told, they really take care of each other. My uncle has always been pretty quiet, reserved and non-emotional. I think I might have only seen my uncle cry three times in my life - when his dad, Papaw, died about 12 years ago. The first time was at Papaw's funeral. The second time was when his baby girl died of a heart defect when she was only two. The third time was today when I hugged him and said good-bye. I was so taken aback; I didn't know how to respond. What does it say about us that we are shaken when those closest to us express deep emotion? I had to ask myself, "What is it about ME that I am unnerved when people cry over me?" No fancy words for it. Pretty much, something was out of the norm and I think I was just plain scared.

It was just the other day that I talked to both of my daughters about being afraid. I shared with them what God spoke to my heart about Paul's letter to Timothy (2 Tim 1:7) "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." I told Kati and Callie I believe God provides peace against things that can cause us to be afraid, that He gives discernment to us so we can know what is from Him and what is not, so that we can separate ourselves from things that would pull us away from His desires for us. Sometimes, when I catch my mind wandering toward the dank, dark vaccum of fear, I compose a list of how God has blessed me. Some might see this as running from my fears or avoiding the issues of my anxiety. It's not. This is simply strengthening the foundation of my faith.

Besides the scrumptious spread of food Grandma made for us, my uncle handed me a gift that my Aunt Bev had sent for me. It was a rock. But more than a rock, it was a monument. This rock took me back - to times God has rescued me, to moments when He lifted me out of the mire of my bad decisions and washed me clean. Here's the picture :

Ebenezer (Stone of Help) "Thus far has the Lord helped us," 1 Samuel 7:12

The story, as you can see above, is told in 1 Samuel and you can read it for yourself. This scripture speaks peace to me. Even though I've never had a Philistine army chasing me. Even though I've never had a time when God brought thunder to chase away my enemies. This scripture reminds me of a God who, in addition to being my Heavenly Father, provided an earthly father for me when I had none. I remember a God who called me to be His own ten years later.  I remember a God who healed a broken family and mended a marriage. I remember a God who walked beside me while my husband and best friend endured a surgery and a year of treatment to remove a life-stealing cancer. I remember a God who put a song in my mouth, who put hope in my heart, who renewed my strength after I was told, "I'm afraid it is malignant."

So "here I raise my Ebenezer." Here I say, "I remember, God. You've helped me all the way to here. So I trust that You won't stop now."