Could You Be This Good

Lately I’ve been enjoying some podcasts from my nephew, Adam Hendrix, from Menlo Park Presbyterian Church. Each time I hear him teach, God opens my heart to life application of His word. The most recent podcast/sermon was titled “The Great Banquet.”

This particular sermon was crafted around “The Parable of The Feast” found in Matthew 22. There were several lessons in this sermon, but the one that stuck with me most clearly was when he talked about someone who misses out, someone who settles for less than God’s best, someone who fails to recognize or hear the call of Christ to a full and abundant life. To quote a part of the sermon, “Many are in danger of settling for average rather than a full life. God offers us day by day an abundant, plentiful life. There is a feast to which you are invited, but the accepting of the invitation is up to you.”

I’ve been pondering those words. Those who are focused on other things will miss the feast. Those who are full of self, status and stuff will miss the feast. They are full of themselves, holding tightly to something that will never satisfy. So…..….where is MY focus? What am I holding too tightly, trying desperately to control? Are my hands too full of something temporary, unable to grasp what is ultimately important?

“It’s only the empty who can experience the fullness of the feast – those who are aware of their need for God, hungry and desperate for what abundance He can give.” – Adam Hendrix

Abundant life doesn’t equate to happy, comfortable or easy, like when my weight is down and my checking account is up. Sometimes God brings me to understand abundant life by leading me through life, not around the obstacles, avoiding the pain. The deepest joys in my life have been a result of coming to a true awareness of my need, much of the time through suffering that built perseverance, developed character and fostered hope. (Romans 5:1-5)

Today I walked through the doors of my oncologist’s office. I had a scheduled appointment. Mixed feelings surface when I visit my cancer clinic. I’ve known Jennifer for almost eight years and she’s more than my doctor; she’s like my sister. She’s my friend. I look forward to seeing her, talking to her and we usually end up laughing at some little something from past memories. Yet every time I enter that exam room, my blood pressure rises, my heart grows faint and my world slows to a crawl. It’s a learned behavior, to shrink in fear because of past experience. Because of the “C” word.

But today’s appointment was different than previous visits. Today felt like a turning point. Today was about sharing with Jenn the blessing recently brought into my life – an old best friend with whom I plan to share the rest of my life. We shared pictures and texts and we talked about how we don’t understand it all. We laughed at how cool it was that he and I share the same first name, Chris. God brings such good to us. He has prepared me to be loved and to love. I told her how thankful I am. And then Jenn told me something I had not planned to hear - “I’m releasing you as a cancer patient. You don’t need an oncologist anymore.” That familiar lump in my stomach was hot as it rose into my throat. My eyes burned. We hugged and cried happy tears.

With unanticipated release and weight lifted, I sat in my car and shook with surprise. I trembled with fear and didn’t understand these “why now” tears that were wetting my cheeks. God surely brings the unexpected. Maybe I’ve been holding a tiny terror inside me for these nine years. Maybe watching Kevin live life while tolerating chemo treatments conditioned me to believe that picture was a foreshadowing of a life to come. Maybe a double mastectomy had been a constant reminder that I was marked by a life-stealing disease. I'm not exactly sure why, but after a while the label becomes the identity. I was not ready for the release brought to my life today. Yes, God surely brings the unexpected. And I am surely grateful.

I’m thanking God for His goodness tonight. Not only for His healing; I’m thanking Him for allowing the disease that brought me to know Him more deeply. I’m learning to be grateful for the cancer that made me realize I’m not in control. Even though my head is still reeling, I’m hopeful for life yet to come - a life with my best friend, growing in God's grace and love. He has surely brought these unexpected, wonderful gifts to my life.

I leave you with a beautiful picture of two happy friends, rejoicing over God’s blessings in our lives. That’s Jenn and me. And I also am sharing a song that’s come to mean a lot to me over the past few years. Sometimes, even though I shouldn't be, I am surprised by the goodness of God.

Could You Be This Good

I love the perfection in Your presence
The redemption on Your face
Your heart's forever for me
Even if I look away

You still call my name
You call my name

Could You be this good
Could You be this good
The way that You forgive me
The way that You hold on to me
Could You be, could You be this good

I love the rest that grows inside me
As I see more of Your grace
I love the courage You inspire
And the hope You call awake
When You say my name

                                                                  You say my name

You keep no record of wrongs

You know me now by Your son
There's only love in Your eyes                       
There's only love in Your eyes

Could You be this good
Could You be this good

The way that You forgive me
The way that You hold on to me
Could You be, could You be this good
Could You be, could You be this good