Humble Heroes

       I have just finished my second week of radiation now; almost three weeks of hormonal therapy to block cancer growth. I mention this only to help anyone who might be reading this blog who is in the course of, or about to go through, treatment for breast cancer. In all things, I believe we are to share our experiences, the good and the difficult. Notice the word choice here - it's not "good and bad." Obviously the connotation for bad is negative, down-trodden, depressing and sometimes damaging. Even though this particular journey isn't one for which I would have wished, it's not bad. (For more info on why I've begun to agree with this perspective, read some of Phillip Yancey's Where Is God When It Hurts.)When we share our journeys, this is the Blessing of Encouragement. If you know I have already been where you are about to travel, the road for you is likely to be less lonely, less terrifying. My thanks to the many who have modeled for me, who have been courageous enough to share their fears and, in doing so, have lessened mine.
       I was reading in Hebrews about the "heroes of the faith." I really like Hebrews. There is disagreement as to the authorship, but regardless of who wrote it, to me Hebrews is a whole book of encouragement, kind of like an apostle's pep-talk. After the writer finishes praising God and reminding the audience that Christ was God's Son, he reminds us that Jesus is the centerpiece of all we believe and that He was faithful to His Father in all that He was asked to do. The author tells us to not give up believing no matter what and to have faith. Then, in chapter 11, in the same manner as all the "begets"back in the Old Testament (I tend to become very lost in those), he starts naming the Heroes of Faith - Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Sarah, Joseph, Moses, Rahab and the list seems to go on and on. One thing I noticed, something all of these "heroes" had in common, is that they were humble, ordinary people that never gave up. They never quit believing. "Not one of these people, even though their lives of faith were exemplary, got their hands on what was promised. God had a better plan for us: that their faith and our faith would come together to make one completed whole, their lives of faith not complete apart from ours," Hebrews 11:39-40. In chapter 12 he continues to remind us to run the race that is set before us without hinderances. Basically, don't quit.
       Society doesn't seem to view heroes in this way anymore, that perseverance, humility and sacrifice are strength and character-building. I think we've skewed heroic characteristics a bit (actually a lot) and we've lost, as a culture, an accurate picture of what a hero really looks like. Seems like today we tend to praise the power-house, money making, self-absorbed personalities flaunted in the media.  When I  frequently talk to students about their hopes and dreams, sadly, they usually involve being recognized and having lots of money.
       In Max Lucado's Traveling Light, he discusses the burden of arrogance. He reminds the reader of the biblical admonitions to embody humility and says just as the scalpel in the hands of a brilliant surgeon, or the ink in the pen of a Pulitzer-prize winning author, we are but tools in God's hands, used for His glory and for His purpose. Lucado offers a few tips to help us cultivate humility:
       1. Assess yourself honestly - Romans 12:3 "Don't cherish exaggerated ideas of yourself or your importance, but try to have a sane estimate of your capabilities by the light of the faith that God has given you."
       2. Don't take success too seriously - "When your ...silver and gold increase,...your heart will become proud," Deut. 8:13-14. Counteract this pride with reminders of the brevity of life and the frailty of wealth. Eccles. 5:15 - "He arrived naked in the womb of his mother; He'll leave in the same condition-with nothing." So Lucado says we would do better to count our money and success in a cemetery - neither will be buried with us.
       3. Celebrate the significance of others - "In humility, consider others better than yourselves," Phil. 2:3. Get over yourself.
       4. Don't demand your own parking place - "Go sit in a seat that is not important. When the host comes to you, he may say, 'Friend, move up here to a more important place.' The other guests will respect you," Luke 14:10.
       5.  Never announce your success before it occurs - "One who puts on his armor shouldn't boast like one who takes it off," 1 Kings 20:11. This is much like the warning in Proverbs about corelation between "the pride" and "the fall."
       6. Speak humbly - "Let no arrogance come from your mouth," 1 Sam 2:3. People aren't impressed with your opinions.
       7. Live at the foot of the cross - "The cross of our Lord Jesus Christ is my only reason for bragging," Gal 6:14.
My life is blessed with humble heroes (who shall remain nameless because I haven't asked their permission to name them), those people who forget themselves and stand in the gap when needed, who sacrifice their time to help without expectation of reward. And those heroes are helping me teach our students the importance of sacrifice, of looking out for others' interests before their own and taking no pride for themselves. I have a friend who has led her student organiation to adopt a worthy cause each month and to sacrifice time to raise money to celebrate the significance of others. I have a friend who visits students after hours, students who have made decisions that have led them to incarceration. My friend visits these kids because she's living an humble life at the foot of something bigger than herself, at the foot of the cross. I have a friend who works behind the scenes to orchestrate the help of others when I am not strong enough to do the tasks myself. Thank You, God, for Your blessing of these friends and how You supply through them.

   

I Look to You

       St Francis of Assisi once said, "Preach the gospel always. When necessary, use words." We do our best teaching by modeling. What you want to leave, your legacy, you need to model for others so that they "see" your life.  I have begun reading another one of Donald Miller's books, Searching For God Knows What. The latest thoughts this book has caused me to ponder are our need for acceptance. Miller speaks about a lifeboat economy, where we, as a society, decide who gets to stay in the lifeboat according to how we view one another, how we "rate" each other's value. He's not saying this is how it SHOULD be; just this is how life is. This is the premise for the groups in which we gather, the cliques that occur, the walls we build. I see this everyday at school. It's heartbreaking. There's a lot of research and literature on Female Relational Aggression, but it 's not only the girls. The young men of our schools vie for position, some being left out to seek company of another cluster. But they only do this because they have seen it modeled - in us.
       Each day we travel to our places of employment, seek out our sections of of society, and we vie for position, evaluating each other by our differences. I'm not trying to be depressing; I've just been thinking about how I have been modeling acceptance lately. Miller writes, "What we commonly think of as love is really the desire to be loved...when I want somebody to like me, I am really wanting them to say that I am redeemed, that I am not a loser, that I can stay in the boat." Imagine what it would be like if we all believed and trusted in God's redemption, if we all believed that we were really loved and accepted. The people who are mega-rich would be generous and help others without expecting anything in return. We would associate with those who are not like us and seek how we could help each other. We would begin to see each other through His eyes, rather than the evaluative scale we so commonly utilize. We would actually model God's love. Miller continues by reminding his readers that even King David danced naked before the Lord in worship. His wife thought he was crazy and so did all the other people who saw, but David had lost his inhibitions and was giving all he had to praise his God. There is a certain feeling, a freeing, in getting our redemption from God and not from other people. "It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don't use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that's how freedom grows." Galatians 5:13 (The Message)

Coach Burnett and his new baby.

       This past Friday night was an auspicious occasion for me. I had the privilege to be a close part of the Warrior football team, pre-game. Coach Burnett relayed that the coaches and young men had talked and agreed to name me their "Educator of the Week." I was honored. They presented me with a football jersey that I would wear on Friday to the pep rally and that evening to the game. I was invited to come into the locker room before the game and be a part of the coaches' prayer time, then walk into the field house and share in the prayer time and inspiration with the team. As Kevin and I sat with the coaches before speaking to the young men who waited, it was a bit awkward. We sat and did what comes naturally when there is silence - we sparred and made light jokes. I wasn't thinking about the details and had yet to realize the planning that had been purposefully worked to honor the Educator of the Week. That was until Dillon came into the coach's office. Our quarterback had donned his orange Honey Grove Warrior jersey, but it was what he was wearing in addition to his uniform that caught my eye. Pink socks, pink shoestrings and a pink bracelet - "Fight for Mrs. Weaver." My tears came freely. Coach Burnett spoke to the young warriors of faith and believing and being blessed. It was in that moment that there were no groups, no separations; just all of us, respecting, honoring, and loving each other and I felt like I had a huge family of brothers who were making sure I knew how much they cared for me. I was honored, but not in the way you might think. I was honored to be a part of such an intimate time in this family. It wasn't about who I was, but how I was accepted. Our Warriors stole the game that night, 50-0. And among the least of these, I was blessed.
"For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, bestowing His riches on all who call on Him." Romans 10:12

Enjoy another one of my favs in music, Selah, singing "I Look to You," giving testimony to how God supplies our need for acceptance.

You Will Seek Me and I Will Recognize Your Voice

Sometimes it's clear to me that I need to be writing, but exactly what I'm supposed to be writing at times is my question. I've been wondering lately about that which elicits emotion. What I have learned is when we swell with sadness, anger, fear, or laughter, it is because we relate; it is a matter close to our hearts. One of my professors, coaching me during client sessions, told me to "watch for the emotion." She explained that emotion is the door to the heart of the matter. When you see emotion, you're close to what matters. But sometimes that's the very thing we try to hide. Most people are not comfortable with emotion; hence, emotions are labeled, denied and much of the time, buried.

Maybe it's because emotion is sometimes difficult to control, to regulate, once the stream begins to flow. It could be about a recent loss - death, divorce, end of a relationship, or ....cancer. Lately I have had a world of loving friends who desire to do something, to be active in helping me in some way. What a wonderful blessing they are to me - I could build a house of cards, I have added to my wonderfully overflowing library books of faith, health and supplements, and I have a freezer full of food. I am "most blessed" in the realm of caring friends and family. But something I have observed is that for all of the love I have been given, for the most part, my friends and family steer clear of emotion. And if I have to be honest, so do I. Emotions can be scary. Sometimes I think we're afraid others won't validate our emotions because they might be ill at ease. But I believe relationships without the expression of emotion will eventually die. Emotions can be the well of ink that writes the beauty of our hearts, communicating it to others. In one of Donald Miller's books, Searching For God Knows What, he mentions a man, John Sailhamer, who taught him much about Moses' authoring the book of Genesis. He said Moses would all of a sudden break into poetry in the middle of a narrative "because there are emotions and situations and tensions that a human being feels in his life but can't explain. And poetry is a literary tool that has the power to give a person the feeling he isn't alone in those emotions, that, though there are no words to describe them, somebody understands," (Miller, p 55).

It's a difficult task, to want to make things right, but to stand powerless. So with hands tied, it leaves great expanses of time to ponder the meaning of where I am and what it means to be where I am. Lots of time. Much of that time is silent, asking God to simply prepare me for what's next. I've grown to be comfortable with silence. Silence is when I hear much of what God has been trying to tell me, wanting to give me a comforting truth or trying to pat my shoulder to let me know He's there, sitting beside me. Silence is not just golden, it's good. So I enjoy the silence, on my front porch rocker, petting Sir Thomas, my cat, not saying a word. I think Sir Thomas likes it, too.

I will close with a Psalm God gave my attention to this morning while I was thinking about poetry in God's Word and how God yearns to speak to my heart, how He yearns to have a relationship with me where we can talk, cry, laugh, sing or simply rock on my front porch with Sir Thomas in silence.

 Psalm 119:169-176 (The Message):
"Let my cry come right into Your presence, God. Provide me with the insight that comes only from Your Word. Give my request Your personal attention, rescue me on the terms of Your promise. Let praise cascade off my lips; after all, You've taught me the truth about life. Let Your promises ring from my tongue; every order You've given is right. Put Your hand out and steady me since I have chosen to live by Your counsel. I am homesick for Your salvation. I love it when You show Yourself. Invigorate my soul so I can praise You well. Use Your decrees to put iron in my soul. Should I wander off like a lost sheep, seek me. I will recognize the sound of Your voice."

I Hope You See Jesus

       We are relational beings. We need others and we were made to seek companionship. In my short life, God has taught me that this is what my life is to be about - having a relationship with Him and then loving others. It's difficult to live in a world that promotes wealth, happiness and the American dream and still remember, it's not about the stuff. It's not even about me. Those things are temporary and if I want to find real contentment, real joy, I have to be willing to let go of the temporary. Even though I may use a "bucket list" concept to make sure I don't forget to live while I'm here, I know that even my someday list won't complete me. And my list needs to incorporate relationships.
       If you know me, you also know that music is a huge part of my world. Bebo Norman is one of my favorite artists. One of the songs he recorded is titled, "I Hope You See Jesus." It's become a motto. Here are the lyrics:


Instead of fear, Instead of blinded eyes, Instead of shame, Instead of all my lies, Instead of an orphan without a name,
I hope you see Jesus

Instead of anger, Instead of unbelief, Instead of weakness in the heart of me, Instead of a wounded soul who sometimes loses faith,
I hope you see Jesus

I hope you see Jesus, I hope you see Jesus
Standing in my place, bearing all my shame
I hope you see Jesus

Instead of voices in a faceless crowd, Instead of prophets crying out from behind a shrowd
Instead of fingers pointing out the blame,
I hope you see Jesus

I hope you see Jesus, I hope you see Jesus
Standing in my place, bearing all my shame

I hope you see Jesus

I hope you see love, I hope you see love, I hope you see love

Oh, my God when you look on us, a broken people who have turned from love
Instead of words we throw and the wars we wage,
I hope You forgive us. I hope You see Jesus.

I hope you see Jesus , I hope you see Jesus
Standing in our place, bearing all our shame
I hope you see Jesus

Here's the actual artist, presenting one of his finest. Enjoy!

How May I Help You?

     A little over a week ago, God orchestrated a pretty amazing day for me and it's taken me this long to realize exactly what all He did. In one day I had an appointment with my surgeon in one city and was supposed to meet at McKinney Cancer Center to go through necessary scans to help diagnose and set up my future treatment. So here's how that went...
     I received a call from the Cancer Center on the way to see my surgeon. The voice on the other end of my cell phone said that the cancer center had been forced to close and they were at the moment trying to find a place for me to receive the scans I needed before my treatment determination could be complete. Ok, God. This is Yours, too. I said a prayer -  not really for God to handle it, because I knew He was going to supply my needs. The prayer was actually for me so I would continue to act like I believed He was going to handle all my needs. "And God, please help me not to puke or otherwise be sick in this car." Then I told Kevin, who (thankfully) was driving for me, that everything was going to be okay. We still had an appointment to make with my surgeon.
     After what my surgeon called remarkable recovery, he walked me to his receptionist's desk following my checkup, I thought, to make my next appointment. I remember thinking I had really outdone myself. Yes! I've followed directions, I've eaten well, and I'm really going to fly through this like gang-busters! Now on to the the next challenge. I can do it! What he handed me at the appointment desk was unexpected. "I want to share something with you that I think could help," he said as he slipped a small hardback book into my hand. Help ME? I thought he said I was doing a good (correction "great") job of taking care of myself? He went on to explain that a former breast cancer patient was kind enough to share this book with his office and he had subsequently loaned the book out as he saw a need. "Just take your time reading it, let it sink in and bring it back when you're through so I can continue to pass it along." You know, my roles have really changed.  I'm quite used to seeing "those kids" who need encouragement and often I recommend books if I believe they might help. After all, I know how to GIVE encouragement; it's kind of my occupation. But now, my doctor is handing ME a "help" book. I wonder if I gave him the same look that some of my kids give me when I make the offer they really can't refuse? What are they going to say? "No, I'd rather not have help?" Like me with my kids, I wonder if my surgeon silently questioned as to whether I would read the book or not? But regardless, he's taking the risk that I will bring it back and he won't have to invest in another copy. I looked down at the bright orange and pink cover of Thanks for the Mammogram. Then I wondered some more. It wasn't huge; probably one, two days tops. How hard could it be to get through?
     On to scene two. At that moment, the cancer center called and they found a way to complete two of the three scans I needed and were still looking for a place to take me for the big one. My surgeon and his nurses graciously jumped into the conversation and began searching places around their offices for me to have a full body bone scan. We thanked the nurses and doctor for their help and with book in hand, we left to drive to the Cancer Center to have two scans, thinking we would then be driving back to my surgeon's office for the last scan of the day. "Still, God is handling everything," I kept telling myself. "It's all gonna' be okay." On the 45 minute drive to the center, I began the task my surgeon had given me. Sometimes I think too much. Before I had even opened the cover, I wondered what the surgeon knew that I didn't. What was he not telling me? Why did he think I wasn't going to make it very well if I didn't read this book? What weakness did he see in me that I did not see? Sometimes, thinking too much is counterproductive.
     From the Foreward and Acknowledgements, I realized that Laura Jensen Walker, author of Thanks for the Mammogam, was a breast cancer survivor and through this book, she was going to help me find humor and the healing it brings. In reading her words, she sounded like a person I would want to be around, simply because she doesn't take herself too seriously, she cares for others and she likes to laugh. Okay, this might be cool. I probably could use a little levity right now. That realization came just before my cell phone rang again and the Cancer Center reported that they had located a place for me to complete the last of my scans and I wouldn't have to go far - just right across the street from the cancer center. "My God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." That's Philippians 4:19. It's awesome and The Message version is even moreso - "You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, His generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus."
     Because of these orchestrated interruptions in what I had planned for my day, God was able to guide me to help from my surgeon, to completion of the scans I needed, to a surprise visit to my future Radiology Oncologist's office, and to a place in my mind where I, the helper, admitted I needed help. Help from my husband, help from my surgeon, help from B.J., the scheduling receptionist at the cancer center, help from the humor of a former breast cancer survivor. And it's okay.
     Sometimes, for whatever reason, we say everything is alright, but it's not. And people can tell. There are times when we feel we have to keep it all together, but others can easily see that we are kind of falling apart. My Father said, "My grace is sufficient for you. My grace is perfected in your weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9 So when I am weak, He is strong and He is maginified in my life. God sends all kinds of opportunities our way so He can give us help in our times of need. It really doesn't matter what we're going through. What matters is that we do finally realize that God is there, has been there all along, and wants to help us when we bring ourselves to the point where we don't mind admitting that we can't do it all. As Laura Jensen Walker said, "Take off the Super Woman cape."