You Will Seek Me and I Will Recognize Your Voice

Sometimes it's clear to me that I need to be writing, but exactly what I'm supposed to be writing at times is my question. I've been wondering lately about that which elicits emotion. What I have learned is when we swell with sadness, anger, fear, or laughter, it is because we relate; it is a matter close to our hearts. One of my professors, coaching me during client sessions, told me to "watch for the emotion." She explained that emotion is the door to the heart of the matter. When you see emotion, you're close to what matters. But sometimes that's the very thing we try to hide. Most people are not comfortable with emotion; hence, emotions are labeled, denied and much of the time, buried.

Maybe it's because emotion is sometimes difficult to control, to regulate, once the stream begins to flow. It could be about a recent loss - death, divorce, end of a relationship, or ....cancer. Lately I have had a world of loving friends who desire to do something, to be active in helping me in some way. What a wonderful blessing they are to me - I could build a house of cards, I have added to my wonderfully overflowing library books of faith, health and supplements, and I have a freezer full of food. I am "most blessed" in the realm of caring friends and family. But something I have observed is that for all of the love I have been given, for the most part, my friends and family steer clear of emotion. And if I have to be honest, so do I. Emotions can be scary. Sometimes I think we're afraid others won't validate our emotions because they might be ill at ease. But I believe relationships without the expression of emotion will eventually die. Emotions can be the well of ink that writes the beauty of our hearts, communicating it to others. In one of Donald Miller's books, Searching For God Knows What, he mentions a man, John Sailhamer, who taught him much about Moses' authoring the book of Genesis. He said Moses would all of a sudden break into poetry in the middle of a narrative "because there are emotions and situations and tensions that a human being feels in his life but can't explain. And poetry is a literary tool that has the power to give a person the feeling he isn't alone in those emotions, that, though there are no words to describe them, somebody understands," (Miller, p 55).

It's a difficult task, to want to make things right, but to stand powerless. So with hands tied, it leaves great expanses of time to ponder the meaning of where I am and what it means to be where I am. Lots of time. Much of that time is silent, asking God to simply prepare me for what's next. I've grown to be comfortable with silence. Silence is when I hear much of what God has been trying to tell me, wanting to give me a comforting truth or trying to pat my shoulder to let me know He's there, sitting beside me. Silence is not just golden, it's good. So I enjoy the silence, on my front porch rocker, petting Sir Thomas, my cat, not saying a word. I think Sir Thomas likes it, too.

I will close with a Psalm God gave my attention to this morning while I was thinking about poetry in God's Word and how God yearns to speak to my heart, how He yearns to have a relationship with me where we can talk, cry, laugh, sing or simply rock on my front porch with Sir Thomas in silence.

 Psalm 119:169-176 (The Message):
"Let my cry come right into Your presence, God. Provide me with the insight that comes only from Your Word. Give my request Your personal attention, rescue me on the terms of Your promise. Let praise cascade off my lips; after all, You've taught me the truth about life. Let Your promises ring from my tongue; every order You've given is right. Put Your hand out and steady me since I have chosen to live by Your counsel. I am homesick for Your salvation. I love it when You show Yourself. Invigorate my soul so I can praise You well. Use Your decrees to put iron in my soul. Should I wander off like a lost sheep, seek me. I will recognize the sound of Your voice."